Like many of you, I like to take the occasional guilt trip over my shortcomings as a mother. However, recent headlines have convinced me that my kids don't have it so bad. Here's why:
1. Although my children have been discovered in many places--wandering the aisles of Wal-Mart (I was inside the store as well at the time), walking naked down the street (never past the age of four), and, thrice, at various stages on their way to the school where my husband teaches--they have never been found outside wandering by the freeway in the middle of the night. In the middle of winter.
2. Unlike the mother who threw overnight parties so she could hit on her kids' high-school-aged friends--I try to keep a safe distance and make sure my kids' friends are home at a reasonable hour. Although I am not opposed to feeding them or cheering for them at sporting events. And I don't serve alcohol at my own parties, let alone my kids' parties. I don't even serve caffeinated beverages.
3. My youngest son used to routinely tell people who called on the phone that I was away shopping and had left him home alone, even though I was just outside or in the shower or somewhere where I couldn't hear the phone ring. But I have never gone to Las Vegas or Disney World or anywhere else fun for an extended period of time while leaving my kids home unattended. If one could accuse me of anything it would be that I just don't leave them often enough at all.
4. I have a hard enough time coughing up the $25 to $35 co-pay for a necessary visit to their pediatrician or the friendly neighborhood orthopedist. You won't catch me forking over thousands for the latest trend in plastic surgery for my daughter. Or, like some parent at my boys' school--coral implants to help a child grow horns so he can pretend he's a satyr. It's not like teenagers need more help feeling awkward or weird during their high school years.
5. I have no desire to be a contestant on reality TV in order to screech at someone else's kids and husband, jiggle my body fat in front of live cameras, eat rotted animal entrails or get in catfights with the girls over some prize or another. I limit the ways I embarrass my children to the following: Driving a mini-van, asking about their social lives, applying sunscreen thoroughly, and just being me. It's not like I need extra help being a geek.
5a. I would never, ever dress up exactly like my cursing, under-dressed, over-tanned, bleached-blonde airhead teenaged daughter to appear with her at American Idol auditions. Ever.
6. My kids aren't even allowed to shoot people virtually and I'm the queen of the "mean moms," so I don't think I'd find myself in the following situation: One mother of an elementary-school student just got charged with child endangerment because she allowed her son on numerous occasions to take his own loaded gun to the elementary school he attended (and where she was employed) and offered the excuse "It's his gun; he can do what he wants with it."
7. I won't even start with those heartbreaking stories of mothers who hear voices in their heads that tell them to hurt their children. I am very grateful that although my kids may drive me to distraction, that's about as crazy as it gets around my house.
8. I have never, ever--and never will--utter the words "I hope your kids give you a taste of your own medicine someday."
So, moms out there, lay the guilt down for a day and celebrate. Our kids will probably turn out OK. Eventually. And things most certainly could be a lot worse.
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11 comments:
Excellent. Now how do we get the kids to see that they don't have it so bad?
How dare you deprive your kids such. jk. So many people wonder why society is crumbling. The Family: A Proclamation to the World makes such perfect sense. Such a long, time tested way of doing things. If it's not broken, why fix it?
I can't tell you how many student papers I've graded that are a reflection of poor parenthood.
Another salute to good moms that don't give in to poor advice/trends.
Oh the irony just hits one over the head. On the very day I posted this blog I did one of the worst-mom-type things I can think of. I try really hard to be home when my kids are home and especially when they get home from school. But on Fridays I have to be at work for a conference call right at the time they get out. I usually run home at break an unlock the door for them ahead of time. It was all OK for Friday because they both had places they were supposed to be after school. But when I got home about 40 minutes later I found my daughter sitting on the front porch and she was not a happy camper. She had been trying to get in for about a half hour. Oh, the GUILT! And to top it off, I found out she had had her heart broken by some "mean girls" on her way home from school. Salt in the wounds. She gets over things fast and was happy as a clam a little later, but I don't know if I will get over it so easily.
Oh, and ~j: They will figure it out. Eventually.
Tell her to come to my house next time. I don't own a nintendo, playstation or x-box. No TVs in my kid's rooms. Chores, homework and practicing come first (usually). My kids don't get to play at a house when a parent isn't home (most of the time--you know what I'm talking about). And the TV stays off on weekdays after school. I'm pretty much the epitome of mean mom. Just this weekend my nephew decided NOT to have a sleepover with my son because I said it needed to be here and not having video games in his own room just wasn't cool enough. Hmm. Too bad. Try another friend, son.
But sometimes there are cookies here. And I try not to be cranky when friends are over. So tell your daughter she is always welcome here if there are troubles in the friend mix and you're tied up! I love her.
One day I was on the phone with a friend and son #2 was pestering me. Absentmindedly, I got his coat on and let him go outside to play in the backyard. Then I promptly forgot about him in my phone conversation. A while later, I noticed him playing on the deck and nearly had a heart attack! I had completely forgotten that he was even out there! I guess we all have "bad mom" days, don't we?
My brother was telling us yesterday about a man he met on his mission whose dad kicked him out of the house, saying he was old enough to be on his own and fend for himself. He was not quite 6 years old. (Now that's a story to add to your list!)
So here's to all us good moms who do the best we can to give our kids something to talk about when they're old. "Son, that's nothing. When I was little, your grandma used to...."
That's a good one, Julie. I haven't yet resorted to forcing anyone out, but I do give them the choice. My 16-year-old routinely tells me he doesn't want to do the few chores I ask him to do. So I made up a list of what his portion of the family expenses would be. I offer him a choice to pay up or put out.
P.S. Thanks for the offer Lo. I will pass it along.
Welcome aboard Jake Roi. (We could be cousins you know, my maiden name is Rex.)
I think another crucial aspect of parenting--at whatever level of goodness or not it may be--is to keep a sense of humor. When it comes down to the choice whether to laugh or cry, I'll choose the laughing.
Great idea, compulsive. Now I know the real reason I'm learning how to do a budget...so I can make my kids pay their fair share when they start whining.
Hey! I thought I was the only "meanest mom"!! Well I am at least until I reply, "Fine, then from now on you can wash your own clothes, make your own meals and walk yourself around anywhere you need to go." Then I'm the best!
Actually I'm learning to appreciate my children's good qualities (and believe me-some days they're hard to find). I work with attorneys who represent kids that have been taken from their homes by DCFS or who have commited crimes and are in the Juvenile Court system. After the first day I felt very thankful for my children and the life we have.
On the flip side I now have ammunition when my kids whine about their "terrible" lives! I sit them down and tell them some of the things that other kids have to live with (and it's not the good stuff). My oldest only used the phrase "That's child abuse" once! The 30 minute lecture on "what child abuse really is" cured him of saying that again!
All in all I love my boys. I just don't understand them most of the time! And maybe someone could fill me in on why boys feel the need to make noises. Anytime...anywhere...for no reason at all. I just don't get it.
Hopping in to say Happy V-Day!!
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