One of the best things to come out of my Olympic viewing experience was my new favorite line. Peekaboo Street was ripping on Julia Mancuso big time and she topped off her tirade by emphatically stating that Mancuso needed to "Lose the Tiara!" (Of course that same day Mancuso got the last word as she traded her tiara for a sparkling gold medal, but that's beside the point.)
Lose the tiara. Good line for when one comes up against those holier-than-thou or I'm-more-worthy-than-you-to-take-up-space-on-this-planet-types. Mostly I don't associate with a whole lot of those kind of people, but I probably could name a few names. And then there are those special kind who actually wear literal tiaras. Not in the sweet way Lorien did when she took her tiara-topped girls out to see The Princess Diaries, but in the weird way that tells the world "I was the queen of cheese way back in '87 ('78?) and I've still got the tiara to prove it (read, I still wear it publicly with pride)."
But then I got to thinking about it and I realized that since most of us folks with normal lives don't really have that problem, the line I really need to add to my arsenal is the following, "Find Your Tiara!" One of my deepest wishes is that a number of my dearest friends, who are really the most amazing of women, could just look in the mirror and see themselves as the rest of us see them, and not just through the twisted reflection of their own too-critical eyes. We are our own harshest critics and when we dedicate our lives to the care and keeping of families--whatever form they may take--it's easy to sort of lose ourselves, and not just in the good way. We forget who we are when we focus on our failures and overlook our own strengths.
So the next time one of my friends starts beating herself up I'm going to gently remind her, "Find your tiara." Or maybe I'll go invest in a drawer full of plastic tiaras and just leave one on her doorstep and encourage her to wear it with pride. We should all spend some time finding and freeing our inner princess.
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12 comments:
Ya know-
I once had a class (about rhetoric of all things) in which the teacher explained to us the sad fact that there is not a single word denoting the female species (lady, madame, girl, mother, etc.) that mankind (I translate this to "satan") has not been able to twist and create a negative connotation for each.
So if ever a call to "Find your Tiara" was needed, the time is now. Most women truly deserve them.
That is cute. Find your Tiara. We should make that a theme. Start a charity....;-) I like that sentiment. You know, you could really do a fun program and present it at the grade schools...like 4th or 5th grade...right when kids are starting to become self conscious, but not totally cynical yet. That is a good thought....
Do you know what is REALLY sad. I WAS the Diary Princess (in '91, not '87--but my sister was the STATE Dairy Princess in '87--I kid you not). I STILL have the tiara. Well, my daughter does and she is the prettiest princess on the block.
Bek, I love your idea about a "Find Your Tiara" campaign. I'm going to give it some serious thought.
As for the dairy princess thing, I think it's impressive, not sad. I come from a long line of dairy princesses on one side--of whom I am quite proud--so I was hoping "Queen of Cheese" would be vague enough not to implicate anyone in particular. (I also tried to do the math so I wouldn't offend anyone I knew in '87.)
But the person I was really wanting to describe was someone I saw recently at some random event who was just wearing a tiara like the rest of us wear shoes. She didn't have a banner indicating what she was queen of, and she didn't seem to be there in any sort of official capacity, but she seemed quite comfortable letting her tiara set her apart from the rest of the crowd.
I'm glad you still have your tiara...as you should. The real ones are so much nicer than those at the dollar store.
I'll have to work on Finding My Tiara as I'm Building My Own Zion. Some things you have to create if they're not readily available (Zion) and others you have to remember (Tiara). I agree with Lyle - too many women deserve their tiara...perhaps they've forgotten.
I've been thinking about this--well, not specifically tiaras, but the idea anyway--for quite some time, and "Find your tiara" is a great way to sum it up! It's all about empowerment. I think there are way too many un-empowered women. Empowered women feel good about themselves. They are confident, even when a little unsure of themselves, and give new experiences their best shot. Empowered women are happy and don't have to depend on others' approval to feel okay. I talked with our friend Neighborhood Watch just the other day, and she told me about something hurtful a person said to her. I wonder if we are really empowered, can mean people really hurt us? I think NW's pain in this situation came because of insecurity, and I think if she found her tiara, maybe the things this mean person does wouldn't hurt so badly.? So here are my two questions: How do we help our friends find/remember their tiaras? And, even more importantly, how do we give our daughters tiaras?
Lorien-
First for all married women, Kick the husband in the _____(which ever spot works) if he does not acknowledge the tiara on your head.
For unmarried gals, Do not settle for a man that does not acknowledge the tiara that is rightfully yours.
One of the best sources I've seen for helping women of all ages, including daughters, are conference talks. The must know and believe that they are Divine Heirs. Of course positive comments, compliments and acceptance go a long way. Now that I've said the easy stuff, doing it still takes practice on my part as a parent.
In fact, I could see "Find your Tiara" as a potential conference talk.
Lorien,
Ditto, Ditto and Ditto.
I learned a long time ago that people can only hurt me if I let them. It doesn't mean that feelings don't get hurt, it means that I don't let it derail me if I can help it. I am getting better at it. I feel like so much of my confindence in myself comes from my choices that I have made, spouse, friends, job. I feel edified when I do these things and it feeds on itself.
I reflect on the year of living hell (known as 2005 to the rest of you) and think how much WORSE it would have been if I didn't already know these lessons. I still have to remind myself but I really think I am getting better at this. I have always had a freakishly high self confidence. I somehow missed the teenage angst thing, but I have my moments.
I would love to write a freelance article on this. Compulisve...YOU should do it. You can submit it to the New Era or Self Magazine. It is worth doing. This is a GREAT idea. Who wants to do it? In fact, that would be a good guest blog on one of the mom sites......like MMW or FMH.....
Good comments everyone. Last night when I was lying awake from 1:20 to 3:48 am I started a "Find Your Tiara" talk in my head (obviously not the conference version). It has something to do with my line-by-line interpretation of the YW theme.
Whether for ourselves, our friends or our daughters (as the mother of three boys I'm working on a male version as well), I think it's all about listening to the right voices in your heart and head and recognizing who you really are. I know we all know this intellectually, but it's high time we really let it sink in and BELIEVE it! It's definitely something you have to seek and work at.
Lorien-
Who is it that said something unkind to NW? I want to go beat him/her up. (I know, not exactly the thing one does while trying to wear a tiara, but still...the mother bear in me is ready to charge.)
OK, Dalene. Your tiara magic worked and you got your wish. I have written the blog you requested, albeit so late at night that it may not be completely coherent or grammatically correct. Hope you like it!
Funny thing. This morning I woke up and thought I had had a dream about handing out tiaras to everyone. Then I remembered it wasn't a dream! I finally rented Princess Diaries II this weekend while I had Becky's girls over on the day of Todd's surgery. The scene where Princess Mia passes out tiaras to all the little orphan girls was too sweet. That's exactly what I want to do with all my too-hard-on-themselves girlfriends.
bek, I so agree that confidence feeds confidence--it has a spiraling affect. And it is so important to be in a good, healthy place so that when we get hit with a 2005 it doesn't completely destroy us.
Dalene, I know I'm late again on this post as you've done another one, but as for the mean comment to NW, it is a relative--by marriage. An on-going source of tension you may have heard about before. We'll talk...
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