Yesterday I bought a great pair of long white gloves for my darling daughter. We are invited to a tea party tonight and we can dress up. Usually I love to dress up. But I'm having a hard time faking it today. Apparently my ability to talk the talk has run its course. I can't dress up like a princess because I really don't feel like a princess.
My daughter will look great. And I'm going to really love that she looks great and that she will feel great about looking great. Although, I also know that because she is a daughter of Eve, she will be looking around her and thinking that all the other princesses look even more great than she does. And she will feel less great inside.
So my today my question is this: How can I spare my daughter that horrible empty feeling you get inside when you know that whatever you are, you are not enough?
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That's a tough one. Why is it that we do that to ourselves?
On a lighter note, I wonder what people would say if I came with golf tees tied to my outfit? It would be a fine TEE outfit for a TEA party...
TEE HEE! I always love a good pun. I think you should dress for "tee" time from head to toe (because I like a good pair of golf pants as well as anyone). As you greet people you can remark on the coincidence of everyone sharing the same "tee" time.
I think that having home be a "safe place" where she is always number one and cherished, goes a long way. (Even if she doesn't show it). I remember that I knew that no matter what (unless my behaviour towards others was terribe), my mom was going to back me up and be my biggest cheerleader.
Sure, she may say "of course you will say that, you are my MOM". But it is still a shot of confidence in the arm.
What do I know? My kid is 5.
I agree with bek, if you don't have a safe home, then your confidence is going down the drain. I hate it when parents tell their kids that they are stupid or something degrading because that kid is thinking, not even my parents like me, who will like me now?
on a lighter note, you are going to be amazed by some dancing moves of some of the girls i teach dance to tonight. hopefully all goes well.
bek--good point. And I'm sorry I missed you while you were in town. Regarding your project: Do you have an address I can send a donation? Also, I wanted to offer my help in other ways. I do have some experience writing articles and press releases--so if you are doing further fundraising or anything else and I could help in any way please let me know (e-mail me).
becks--here's a question for you. I know this is a safe house as far as the parents are concerned, but when it comes down to the two big brothers that's another story. This would be your area of expertise. Talk to me...
...and I can't wait to see the dance--I'm sure it will be great!
I don't golf (unless you count the miniature version) but do have a closet waiting for summer so I can show off my 4 or 5 golf capris (BTW... Did you get those pants with your coupon last week?). Watch out fashion police!!!
boys can be easier because they don't have all the hormonalness going on. but i think that they just need to be reminded that they are loved everyday. even if it embarrases them because deep down they like it. for example, my dad always calls all of us his sweethearts and tells us he loves us everyday. we make fun of the sweethearts thing, but deep down we all like it.
Hm. This has been a project of mine since the moment Dr. Lohner said, "It's a little girl!" seven years ago. (And then some.)
Having home be a safe place is so important. And always emphasizing the beauty our daughters possess. Just like I always ask, "Is that fun?" or "Is that yummy?" I also ask, "Are you beautiful?" It's just a fact that they are, regardless of what others look like. If they're feeling like they're not beautiful, we talk about it until they feel better. And we talk about how our actions contribute to beauty.
Another HUGE thing for me is not putting myself down, and along with that, taking care of myself. Now, someone who knows me well might have an idea of how I feel about how I look -- how I detest my body, how I CANNOT look at a current photo of myself without crying (honestly) (or at the least, brimming tears), how frustrated I am at the lie I was told that acne is solely a teenage problem, etc.. But that's my problem, not my daughters', and I don't want them to inherit it from me.
Please don't misunderstand me - I don't feel like I'm lying to my children, but I feel it to be of the utmost importance that I don't verbalize my negative internal dialoge. A dear friend and I often speculate how much our own mothers' verbal self-loathing has contributed to our own.
Oh - and I DO talk about the things I'm doing right, the things I want my kids to take notice of. For instance, when it's warm and a neighbor and I walk at night for exercize, I often don't want to go, but I tell my girls that even though it may not be what I want to do, I do it because it's part of taking care of my body (same with eating right, getting enough sleep, etc.).
okay, so having older brothers was a tough one at first, but luckily i had a younger brother that got a whole lot of the teasing, so he took a lot of the load. And he turned out fine. well if you call spelling your name with a 6 and using the language of grunts instead of english fine.
but seriously, it was pretty bad sometimes getting teased all the time, but now that they are older, they are such great guys and we all get along wonderfully. So tell your daughter to just endure it, but still stand up for herself and in the end she'll love 'em.
~j: it's most unsettling when you write and I feel like I'm reading from my own story. This has been my project too and I feel like it's not going so well.
It's like I'm whispering in her ear (in my best James Blunt voice) "You're Beautiful. You're Beautiful."
But she can't hear me because the world is SCREAMING "Unless you look like Angelina or Jennifer you do not deserve to be taking up space on the planet."
She hears the world.
I swore I would never inflict upon her that verbal self-abuse I heard growing up as well. And although if any one would have reason to talk that talk it would be me, I have kept that oath. Yet at five my daughter was sad because she couldn't do a thing with her hair and she was wondering if she was too fat. Five!
She hears the world.
But that won't stop me from still trying.
becks: You did great tonight. I remembered seeing you dance on that same stage when you were just a little older than Lindsay. Cool. Thanks for adding that about your brothers. I have no doubt she'll love them. I just hope she'll come out of this still loving herself.
I sing that part... from Blunt "you're beautiful..." to my daughter as I touch her cheek - she loves it. I think they understand how much we adore them.
My Dad always told me growing up "you don't any make up - the best make up is a smile". The sucker that I am - I believed it. To this day... am not a huge fan of make up, just because it takes forever... So I spend most of my days make up-less... but on Sundays... I gussy it up for the Lord. Which is funny cuz... he see the inside. ;-)
Hearing that from my Dad growing up - made a huge difference.
queen scarlett: Welcome. I have been enjoying reading about your beautiful little girl for some time now.
Someday I am going to make a book of all my favorite lines from blog comments. Your "I gussy it up for the Lord" is in.
Oh, I am not sure that you CAN spare her this!
I try, try, try to tell my teen daughters (well, all of them really) that they are beautiful and smart and LOVED.
Knowing you are loved makes all the difference, knowing that SOMEONE cares and thinks you are "the bomb" goes a long way in helping you remember that when you "think" someone else is better.
Remind her that all thos other girls are probably feeling exactly the same way at that moment!
And, a TEA! How wonderful! One of my favorite things to host.
Tell Lindsay I think she's awesome. I was telling Guy about some girl/lady I really admire (I can't think who it is right now...grrrr...) and when trying to describe her, the best way I could think of was "she's great, and she could take ANY guy." I think the same about Lindsay...she could take ANY boy.
Are you sure it wasn't me you were telling Guy about? Well, except for the lady part.
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