Recently someone asked a small group of us if we had any good resolutions for the New Year. I kindly kept my mouth shut. The only thing I am resolute about is not having any New Year's Resolutions. I am not opposed to goals and I do have lots of ideas of things I'd like to achieve throughout next year. But the same anti-lemming wiring that makes me run screaming from the latest Oprah book or proudly affirm that I had read that book BEFORE they started printing it with Oprah's seal of approval also makes me resist that futile attempt to be a whole new me for no better reason than the brand new calendar hanging on the wall.
Maybe it's a result of so many years of failure. I would resolve to be someone different--a kinder, gentler (always thinner) me. But no matter how I tried, I would cling to the same foibles and follies that just seem to be part of who I am. Maybe I am resistant to the apparent hypocrisy I always found watching hundreds of resolute dieters flocking to the gym the first three weeks of the year, then dozen by dozen falling off the wagon and abandoning their treadmills. Or maybe I am just too cynical. Who knows?
Perhaps the same part of me that makes me sit down at the end of the day and write my "have-done" list--just so I can feel better about myself--also prefers to look back at the end of the year rather than forward at the beginning. I can look back on 2005 and say, "Wow, this year you got brave and returned to the work force after 16 years. It was scary and you pretty much felt like an obsolete idiot for the first three months, but you did it!" Or, "Wait a minute, how did you get a kid old enough to get a driver's license and start to date? Aren't you proud of yourself for handling his first accident so well?" And, "So you didn't get any remodeling done on the house. You made some new friends, made some good memories with family and friends, tried to be there for people when they needed you and completed a few beautiful quilts. That's something!"
Looking back I see that in 2005 I stretched myself spiritually, musically, professionally and--taking into account my recent enlightening experience with yoga--quite literally physically. And I did so in ways I could never have imagined last January 1. So maybe there's something to be said for simply taking a minute to look back and evaluate the old year, then turning right back around to jump eagerly into the new year to see what it will bring. If I have no expectations then I won't be disappointed. It works for me. What works for you?
4 comments:
Years ago, I would try to make New Years resolutions and I always failed miserably. For me, the whole New Years celebration feels like an awkward dance, like I just can't find the rhythm or speak the language the rest of the natives are speaking. Other than staying up late (and feeling foolish for doing it) I don't feel a part of the scene.
I even have a hard time looking back on the year long enough to reflect on any changes or accomplishments.
So to those who manage to find some meaning with a new year I salute you one and all. Perhaps my day will come, I'll find the rhythm, learn the language and enjoy the celebration for what it is.
I hate making New Year's resolutions because I never keep them. I gave up on that practice years ago, but I like your idea of looking back to see what you've accomplished for the year. Hmmm. What could I say for myself? I'll have to think about that for a while.
I had to laugh about you sitting down at the end of the day writing your "have done" list. I do that ALL the time! It feels so good to write a list of all these things you've done just so you can put a check mark by each one. I love it!
I always have the same new years resolutions. Run more often than once a week and quit biting my nails. Every year when people talk about their resolutions I just laugh to myself and think, well, i've already got mine and thats usually the last time i think about them till the next year. I have my system and I like sticking to it.
I'm ususally like..."oh crap. It's already the 10th and I didn't make any resolutions. Oh well, behind as usual. I'll get to it next year."
Or else I make a really easy one, like "I'll write one blog in the next three weeks." Then I'll finish the resolution in January and count it good for 11 months. I'm a real go-getter, eh?
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