from the mixed-up files of a middle-aged mind

This past year... ...I did two brave things: One, I applied for a supervisor position at my work (going back to work was the biggest and only brave thing I did the year before). I got it. Consequently, I have learned a few good lessons and now my resume looks a lot better than it did the year before. Two, I sang. I like to sing, But usually not in anything smaller than a full choir and never in front of the actual composer. I was sort of tricked into that part, but by the time I realized it I had already committed myself, so I did it anyway. And as that particular composer was there to talk about being brave and discovering, developing and sharing talents I felt much better about being in her audience having said "OK" rather than having said "No way!" The good thing about that experience is it made me consider the possibility of being brave. Also in 2006*, I did not spend enough time at my favorite long-time hobby, quilting. But I did find a new hobby, blogging. Wh...

and even better than a DVD player for keeping the peace on the road to Grandma's house I'd like to thank Key Bank for their free iPod promo. And iTunes for making it easier than ever to come up with some great playlists. Something for everyone. What more could a girl want? Oh yeah. This. Just affordable enough to purchase with a handful of gift cards. Thanks Santa!

...(thanks lianne .) According to the rules…Each player of this game starts with the ‘6 weird things about you.' People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Six weird things about me (...and glo said it first, but I terribly wanted to play off of a line from "Emma" and mention the difficulty in limiting myself just to six) 1. I used to eat pizza backwards. Mostly because I liked the chewy-gooey-cheesy part at the end and I ALWAYS save the best for last. 2. I was born with dimples on my shoulders. My mom used to pull my sleeves down to show people--maybe even complete strangers--when I was little. I still have the dimples, but thankfully she doesn't do that anymore. 3. I can negotiate a round-about successfully. Apparently being able to do so in Utah makes me weird. 4. I finally fulfilled one of my life-long dreams. I have been o...

Me, that's who! I asked for it. But never for a moment did I think I would get it. I've already been given the moon this year--a trip to Finland. my very own barbara k toolset, a digital camera... But my sweet husband somehow managed to pull off the impossible. My very own new-to-me laptop. Complete with wireless Internet. No more kicking off the kids from the family computer. No more turning the screen of our iMac to the corner of the room and fussing over people looking over my shoulder as they wait impatiently to resume their latest IMing. Now I am sprawled on the sofa--a la Med Ryan--snuggled under a cozy warm quilt and typing to my heart's content. This is utter and complete blog heaven. Somehow, I must have managed to have been very nice this past year...

It's almost two a.m. On the average Christmas Eve (now evolved into morn) I've barely been in bed for half an hour, but I've already looked at the clock at least three times. Wild with anticipation, not for what might lie under the tree for me, but for the joy I hope to see on the faces of my children. In a few short hours I will hop out of bed. Probably on the pretext of needing to visit the restroom or to fetch a drink of water. And my slippered feet will deliberately pound the wood floors--that just happen to be right over the boys' bedroom--just a little too loudly. I might shut the cupboard door a bit too forcefully. Knowing full well if I can accidentally wake up at least one or two, the excitement will spread through the house. Children will raise their sleepy heads and soon--quite soon--the moment of truth will arrive. I lay there as the minutes tick by. Exhausted, but still wide awake. Will they be happy? Tonight I wonder: Was it possibly the same for our Cre...

But first, let me introduce you to my snowman shrine: It began innocently enough. We were in a drought. I started pleading for snow. Soon people heard about my "shrine" and couldn't help themselves. They brought me more snowmen. I almost had to do an intervention for my mom to get her to stop. Just the other day I got another one--the really tall one-- from a friend. It's not like I can say, "That's really nice, but I'm trying to quit." In any case, this is one of my two holiday displays over which I give the kids free reign. Sure you can set them up however you like. Touch them. Move them. Do whatever you want...only don't eat them. Now let's make our way over to the nativity collection. You will see it's a little eclectic. A few pieces came from a friend who happens to travel out of the country a lot. New this year is the set I brought back from Finland. Can you tell which it is? One of my favorites is the plastic set that my kids have ...

I am a huge fan of Dickens' "A Christmas Carol." When I was a kid my dad would gather us together and we would turn down all the lights and listen to the annual radio broadcast of "A Christmas Carol." We had an intercom system in our home so we could be wherever we wanted to, but there were no books, TV, 8-track cassette or any other forms of entertainment allowed--just the radio. My favorite place to listen was sprawled out with my siblings on the carpet somewhere. Maybe it was the novelty of a radio show. Maybe it was just the magic of the season. But we were mesmerized and it quickly became a family favorite. For the past three years we have been privileged to see the performance at the Hale Center Theater . I highly recommend it. The music is heavenly (how could it not be with this fabulous director ?) and their Scrooge was born to play the part. They also have a lot of fun with it. The first year we happened to sit in the corner where Marley's ghost exi...

Found this note the other day from that same last child: Could it be he still believes? He made that cranberry garland all by himself. ( I don't usually cave and buy extra tree tops pretending to be trees, but he picked out that "tree" all by himself too and I couldn't resist those puppy-dog eyes when he begged and pleaded to have it. So this year we have four trees--or should I say one tree and three tree tops. ) Merry Christmas!

...this letter was inspired by my annual reading of the book featured at left: "Don't Bite Me, I'm Santa Claus," by Tom Plummer. Dear Santa, Hi, it's me. I'm feeling sort of sad this year because my last child is trying to tell me that you just aren't true. I'm trying just as hard to remind him that you are, of course. I mean really ! (And my friend--who is also the mother of his best friend--has threatened to cut out his tongue if he says a word about this to her daughter.) I used to believe my life would be a bit easier when my kids all "grew up." But now I think I was wrong. I don't care if arriving at this stage means I can wrap all the presents weeks ahead of time and won't have to stay up till 1 or 2 or later to get all the surprises ready (we both know I will wait till the last minute anyway!). Remember how when I was young I always let Christmas become a bit overshadowed by my selfishness? I'm so sorry about that now. I...

literal acres of lights, trees and smiles now I personally would never take my preemie out and hand him over to a complete stranger, but that aside, this made for a great photo op my baby and his best girl I volunteered here one year and it was the best Christmas ever--the smiles were infectious and the expressions of utter and complete joy I witnessed will stay with me forever our quilt--disguised as a "tree" wreath--brought in generous donations for Jules: you might be a redneck if you bought this tree...

Just Say NO!

Griswold vs. Griswold: Showdown! I don't even bother putting up my own lights anymore (well, my husband might when he gets around to it).

Inspired by fun posts such as Mom Pockets and Saddle bags , I got to thinking about punch cards. Or, as I affectionately call them, "frequent flier cards." How many do we carry? Where are they from. Which are the most used. Whatever do they say about us? Here's what I dug out of the depths of my purse: Cafe Rio: Two stamps, dated 10/28 This one was started while I was in Pocatello with the band--and yes, I can't help it. I don't care if it was in Pocatello or that it was the marching band--I just love writing that I am, was or will be "with the band." Great Harvest Bread Co: One loaf And this only because they no longer give you free samples without purchase but I feel guilty going in just for one slice of their delicious bread, so I like to pretend I'm going in because I always buy my family expensive whole wheat bread and that the free slice is just an afterthought. Body Benefits from JCPenney: Two punches No more details needed there, ex...

There is this great scene in one of my favorite movies, "Twister" in which, in the midst of tornado aftermath, the protagonist, Jo, finally confronts her "issues" with tornados. "You've never seen it miss this house, and miss that house, and come after you!" (Hint: it's not about the house, it's really all about her father). I feel that way about Cancer. (Hint: it all started with my father , too). Jo devoted her entire life to chasing and, essentially, fighting tornados. In truth, I, myself, am much better at running away, getting distracted--avoiding real problems and issues. But in my other life--the imaginary one in which I, too, am a protagonist, and I spend my days being really, really good at something significant--I am a storm chaser. At least I like to think I would be. I watched Cancer take my Dad before we even knew he had it. Before I ever got to say goodbye. And a woman who was at that time the same age I am now found herself wond...

Random highlights Apparently even in the animal kingdom having a "well-developed rack" will get you some attention. (My favorite line: "It's got no male utilities!") I know, the "thrill on the hill" is so last week. But it bears reliving over and over and over . Wahoo! I'm with his mom. Gross! But I'll support you honey if that's really what you want to do with your life... (Said the "witnesses," "We're not always saving lives and protecting property. We also do other things.") Commentary on what a weird world in which we live: From public urination , which, apparently is now illegal, but shouldn't be considered to be offensive... ...to public breastfeeding , which, although perfectly legal, is still , by some, considered to be offensive... ...to that all-time great offender, Christmas . *groan* And finally: Here are just a couple dedicated to my favorite Pottymouth Sister : Innovation has taken a nasty t...

Yesterday we had a lesson on finding wisdom . One of the concepts discussed that really resonated with me was a comment on how we are torn by competing demands and priorities--which, as you know, is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. I'm doing a little better. Cutting back my work hours a bit, getting better at saying "No," and trying to put my house and my life in some semblance of order. I've still got a ways to go. But I'm learning... Because we needed to drive out an extra car and I had to work on Wednesday, my family left before I did to go over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house for Thanksgiving. I had lots to do and was looking forward to the empty house so I could get down to business. Only I discovered a couple of things. One, I don't really like being alone in the house at night. (I have a new appreciation for my widowed mother who has done this for well over 20 years--I would scare myself silly and end up total...

...BYU 33-Utah 31. What a game! What a last-second thrill! What a win! Wahoo!!! ...all the people linked at the left (and others) who occasionally drop in to read my musings and often add their two cents. I appreciate that your blogs can make me both laugh and cry. I am sobered, amused, entertained, educated and enlightened by reading your posts. Thank you! ...new friends--and the looks I get when I tell people I'm going to go hang out with a bunch of people I met on the Internet. ... lianne for discovering my inner purple. And for creating a fresh new look that addresses another favorite obsession of mine. ...a husband who taught me to notice and appreciate the simple things, who is an involved father and who treats me as an equal and lets me be who I am even if it's not exactly what he expected. ...kids who don't try to pretend I'm not their mom or hide and pretend they're not actually with me when we go out in public. ...hugs. ...that I overcame a number of my b...

Understatement of the century : In an article attempting to explain the latest stupid move by O.J. Simpson, "Instead, the experts said, the book may amount to narcissism." May ? Ya think? Puh-lease. Dear Media people: Don't buy the book. Don't interview O.J. on the air. Can we please just ignore the crazy and demented guy wearing the bloody too-small-gloves and stop the insanity enough already? [This just in-- (The eternal optimist in me rejoiceth.) Apparently there is at least one strand of moral fiber and maybe even one iota of good taste left in America: The ill-conceived O.J. project has been canceled !] Also to the dear media people: I DON'T GIVE A GNAT'S EYELASH ABOUT THE TOMKAT WEDDING OR THE NEVER-ENDING KISS (which is an ironic way to begin a just-can't-possibly-last marriage anyhow)! *Mean Girl Alert* I think Ashton Kutcher is just stupid . I used to think Demi was an intelligent woman, but now that I've seen Ashton in an interview, I t...

Don't know if you're familiar with The Festival of Trees , but it's a local charity event from which 100% of the profits benefit children who have been patients at Primary Children's Medical Center and their families. The money goes directly to pay for their charity care. The reason I'm involved is because there are many good causes out there, but this is the only one I know of where 100% of the money goes to the kids. The Festival is great fun to attend and is a wonderful way to kick off the Christmas season. If you've never been, I suggest taking your family and spending a couple of hours walking through the aisles of trees, wreaths, gingerbread houses and such. If you are so inclined, however, the Festival is also in serious need of more volunteers. Here's what's needed: What: Hosts and Hostesses. The job entails wearing a skirt for a few hours (only if you're female), driving up to the South Towne Expo Center, standing in a huge room filled wit...

Alternate Title: The Mommy Wars: Reeking in my own ambivalence heard rumor of a great and terrible battle. never expected to fight it with myself. in my own head. I have been wrestling with my ambivalence as a paid working mom and how easily I find myself sucked into the workaholic mindset demanded in the workplace when, just a little over a year ago, my heart was planted along with my feet so firmly on the terra firma of my own home and I doubted I could ever commit myself to the rigorous schedule of serious employment. Part of me knows the most important work I do is raising good kids and teaching them to be productive citizens. Part of me gets a kick out of fixing an account for some big-named client from New York or Paris. Part of me would rather be home using my discretionary time to volunteer at school or for some charity, to complete a quilt project I'm especially fond of, or go to lunch with the girls. Part of me likes to watch the hours add up on the timeclock and calc...

So Saturday my second child and his friends were bored. And look what they found to do to amuse themselves. I went to pick them all up to take them to Macey's and I actually had a moment in which I watched some stranger slide audaciously into the passenger seat next to me and I wondered, who was this kid sitting by me and why was he wearing my son's clothes? A mullet? Willingly and of his own volition? Don't laugh, it only encourages him. So after a few "I-love-you-honey-but-you-look-like-a-dork" comments on my part, we headed for Macey's. Under solemn vow, he agreed not to shop on the same aisles I shopped. He and I were waiting at the customer service desk for some change when some college student had the nerve to stop and ask him if he could take his picture. "Sure," Z~ said, and the guy whipped out his cell phone, took a picture, and continued to go on and on about how cool it was that my kid's got a mullet. He asked Z~ why he did it. "B...

Saturday night I chose to forgo the sink full of dirty dishes and the pile of washed and dried but not folded laundry in the middle of my laundry room floor and chose instead to curl up with this The magazine is--like the pile of her sisters (including one which I have not even had the time to open)--most likely just wishful thinking. "Window shopping" as it were. Like my life will ever be real simple. and this... Sanity thy name is chocolate.

What does it mean that most of my friends are either having babies (or courageously trying to make them) or having grandchildren right now? I'm sort of this misfit in the middle--not too old nor too young for either--but somehow still stuck in the no-woman's land in between. Oddly enough, I am content. If not for feeling alone. Over with one. Not ready for the other. But truly excited for everyone else. That's all OK. (But for not quite feeling like I really fit in with either crowd.) Just a wondering how I got here and what I do with myself until I get to the next stage...

Now this is a movement I could really get behind . This one not so much I think. Of course I support the idea of alternative fuels, but I just don't think I could bring myself to go into Lowes and say, "Could you tell me on which aisle I might find the manure furnaces?" or to start shopping on the Internet for good deals on manure. Jo March would be rolling in her grave: Dear mother, Your six-month old probably doesn't yet feel the need to sport $300 dresses and $200 shoes and parade his or herself before audiences and the flashing lights of cameras. Dear Lanina's mother, Lanina probably didn't smile as much or win Miss Personality because you didn't make the time to feed her breakfast. Three-year olds - need to start their days--particularly high-pressure "smile-pretty-for-the-people" kinds of days--with a good breakfast. Some people's parents ... I LOVE LOVE LOVE Mr. Snowbank . Who else do you know who gets so dang enthused over weather...

Chicken Pot Pie 1 small package of frozen peas (about 1 cup+) 2 cups cubed potatoes and carrots 1/3 cup butter 1/3 cup flour 1/3 cup chopped onion 1/2 tsp. salt 1/4 tsp. pepper 1 3/4 cup chicken broth 2/3 cup milk 2-3 cups cooked chicken, cubed Pastry for a 10-inch pie (for a crowd, you can double the recipe and bake in a 9x13 pan. I usually double anyway and freeze one for another day) Steam carrots and potatoes in remaining 1/4 cup or so of chicken broth till just tender. Toss over peas; drain. Set aside. In a saucepan or skillet, saute the chopped onion with the butter till tender. Stir in flour, salt and pepper. Cook, stirring constantly, till bubbly. Remove from heat. Add chicken broth and milk, stir till smooth. Return to heat, Stir constantly while bringing it to a boil. Boil and stir one minute. Stir in chicken and vegetables. Pour into pie shell; cover with top crust. Bake at 425 for 35-40 minutes till crust is barely browned and filling is bubbly.

( It's pretty sad when at five a.m. I notice the moon shining shadows on my bed through the trees outside my window and get taken away by how much I love it when that happens and then I get caught up in how if I lived in other, more densely populated areas, I would really miss that and then mere words compel me to jump out of bed and write because they can no longer stay still in my head. ) What I love about living in Utah: ( yes, I'll admit, this post is, just in some itty bitty teeny tiny way, a bit inspired by my desire to get beyond my initial gut response to certain comments made during this lively little conversation. ) I am completely qualified to write this because one, I actually live in Utah and two, I grew up elsewhere , so I have a frame of reference from which to make a comparison. This post and its comments are intended to be positive . We could all write the post about what's not to love (but hasn't that been done to death already?). It's not perfec...

Because I believe... ( To all my immaculate and more-together-than-I am friends, you know this is less a statement about you and your successes and more a pathetic attempt to feel better about my own life choices [read: failures] ) Well, it's not quite finished, but almost. I'm telling you, if you like to quilt you need to check out American Quilting's block of the month! And just so ~j knows it's still coming: It would probably come along a little faster if I didn't find myself wanting to quilt every tiny little shape and design...

For those of you who, like me, crave like an addiction a good bit of writing, let me throw this juicy gem your way. I am still rereading it just to absorb both the eloquence and the romance. Well played, Geo. Simply fabulous!

OK, so I got a little distracted by a death in the family, a beautiful fall day and an interesting word challenge, but here is the last installation of pictures from my Finland trip. These are my personal favorites: the people. These are such a beautiful people! Everyone was so kind and friendly. Perhaps the trees all started to look the same after awhile, but I never, ever got tired of watching the people... I have a baby picture that looks just like this... We were amused by the Japanese tourists posing for pictures with the little Finnish kids Shane reaquaints with and old friend--she has held on for 26 years to the book he gave her